Santa Barbara - February 12, 1996

At last I have begun this journal. I have waited a long time. I am still unsure for whom it is being written, or why. If anything, I believe it is a book of myself. It is also a journey - the journey to find the God within. This book is to map that journey. I know that the end is possible and it is my greatest desire to reach it. In ways, I have been lazy with my time and tools, but I know that I am not alone in this for often we fall asleep along the way. It is a journey we all make and we all make alone. The propellant, I am aware, is Love. And it is this great feeling of Love that has stirred me again at this time.

Santa Barbara - March 7, 1996 2:00 am

It is time again to write in this book. I could write everything and nothing at all. There is so much that is going on at different levels that I feel I should prefer to write all of it or none. Of course I cannot write all of it and yet I have something to say.

Santa Barbara - March 7, 1996 11:45 am

Well that was last night. No sooner had I written the above than the Master called for attention. I then went to bed. But I will write more, when I am moved to do so.

April 9, 1997 2:00 am

Well, you could say I took a long time to be moved. Again there is so much to say - everything that has accumulated in my heart and mind - but I have never really felt that now is the time to express it. I am in the Master’s house, and that means to be on tenterhooks for him. I am not ready to relax, to let go with my pen. I am still unsure that I ever shall though certainly I should like to. When hearts are full they overflow. I feel I am pressing up against a dam. The dam is a wall of learning, saying “Not yet Paul, not yet”, but when it is ready, if it ever is, it shall say “Now.”

I actually took the pen this night to record my thought as I lie here. That is, or rather, a key to one’s growth is, “How much of oneself does one give up? How much does one take for oneself?” This is not a question but an answer. “Take nothing for oneself is the best answer of all. Take nothing. Take nothing.”

Goodnight for now.